Quote of the Day

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.

-Maya Angelou

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Pregnancy Diary #2

Two ultrasounds ago I was told by the technician that I have an Anterior Placenta. I had never heard the term before so of course I ask, “Is that a bad thing?” to which she simply responded, “Nah its fine”. That was that. I didn’t think anything else of it. When I met with the doctor afterwards I felt no need to ask any questions about it or even have an explanation given to me as to what it even was. I was content knowing that it wasn’t a bad thing. 

Lately I’ve been concerned about how little I’ve been feeling my son move. I’ve consulted online forums, my doctor, co workers, anyone who would give me the time of day really. Everywhere I turned the answers were pretty much the same: “He might just not be a very active baby” or “There’s still so much room in there and he’s not that big yet, you don’t need to worry”. As comforting as those answers should’ve been, I just couldn’t find satisfaction in them. 

Yesterday I was browsing through the topics and comments on one of the online pregnancy forums I follow and I noticed one where a woman mentioned her placenta also being anterior. She talked about how it limited how frequently she felt her baby move and I had to know more! I read through all of the comments but nothing gave a clear explanation of what was going on. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but it felt like the tunnel was never ending. 

Once I googled the term a wave of relief and slight embarrassment washed over me. Basically, instead of my placenta being located behind my baby, it’s actually in front of him acting as a barrier between him and my belly button. I felt silly because if I had actually paid attention to the words being used, I could’ve figured this out easily and saved myself weeks of unnecessary worrying. Anyhow, this means that although my son could actually be in there doing acrobatic stunts, I’m only feeling dulled versions of those moments every so often because of the positioning. 

From the time he first started moving I did notice that I could only feel him on the lower sides of my belly, no where else. I didn’t think anything of it, but that is another result of the position of my placenta. The bottom sides of my belly aren’t covered by the placenta making his movements easier to feel. Not rocket science, but my mind was blown! 

I wish that my doctor would have taken the time to explain everything to me, but I’m so thankful that everything is okay. If you have had any similar experiences with this or want to share your pregnancy stories please do so in the comments! I’d love to know that I’m not the only one who has experienced this or has been a little paranoid at times. 

Thank you for reading!

Quote of the Day

“You really have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, ‘I’m proud of what I am and who I am, and I’m just going to be myself’.”   Mariah Carey 

Mariah is one of my biggest inspirations. To me, she is the epitome of elegance, strength and confidence. She doesn’t allow herself to get torn down about what others may say or think about her. She knows her worth and she knows how hard she’s worked to get to where she is. With the voice of an angel she delivers lyrics that tell not only her story, but the stories of so many people around the world. I haven’t heard a song of hers yet that I couldn’t relate to somehow, or that didn’t bring up memories of a certain part of my life. 

This quote means a lot to me because I used to always compare myself and my situation to others’ and I often felt inadequate and unhappy with myself. Whether it was my grades, my looks, my relationships I was always either punishing myself or validating myself based on other people’s lives. When I started to focus on myself and my own situations only, I was able to see the things that were going right for me instead of all of my failures. I was grateful for the things that I do have, not stressed over the things that I don’t. 

Share with me in the comments what this quote means to you and what impact this way of thinking has had on your life! 

Pregnancy Diary #1

Pregnancy has always been hands down the most fascinating subject to me. From as early as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mother and experience every step of the journey. I can remember attempting to breastfeed my baby dolls and always walking around with pillows under my shirt pretending to be pregnant. As soon as I learned how to read I would take my mom’s pregnancy books and ask her a million questions about the stuff I didn’t understand. The concept of a whole human life forming inside of another person just blew my mind. It was magic.

Now that I am currently embarking on this journey, I have a whole new perspective. I still believe that pregnancy and being a mother are among the most beautiful things in the world, but now that I am experiencing it for myself a whole new light has been shed. I’m not talking about the physical and emotional changes I’ve been going through, those I expected. I didn’t realize, however, how paranoid and scared I was going to be. Everything I feel or don’t feel, what to eat or not to eat. Every decision I make now has nothing to do with me, only the life I’m creating.

Right now I am 24 weeks and 6 days pregnant, or 6 months. From the moment I found out that I was expecting on October 31st, 2016 thousands of thoughts flooded my mind about what I was doing right or wrong and what kind of mother I would be. The day I got my big fat positive I was already 5 weeks and 2 days, or 1 month along. Prior to even suspecting that I could be expecting, I had been drinking alcohol. Not excessively, but I definitely had my fair share. I was so worried that I may have already harmed the baby somehow or that this could cause me to miscarry. It wasn’t until my first ultrasound at 12 weeks that some of those fears got put to rest. When I saw that perfectly formed profile, heard the soothing sound of a heartbeat and saw that tiny little body thrusting itself about on the screen, I knew that somehow everything was off to a good start. Checkpoint complete.

Fast forward to 18 weeks, aka 4 1/2 months. I felt my son move for the first time on Thursday, February 2nd, 2017. I was sitting in the car in the parking lot of a shopping center waiting for my husband to come out of the store with my much-needed hot sauce. As soon as I felt the flutter I immediately texted my best friends, our mothers and my aunts. I remember the rest of that night I was frantically hoping he’d do it again for my husband to feel . As the days went by I was feeling him more and more. His movements getting stronger and stronger. I could tell you like clockwork what times of the day that he was going to kick and it’s been on of the most exciting parts of my pregnancy so far.

Lately his kicks haven’t been as strong or as often. The first time I noticed a difference was almost a month ago when we moved out of our one bedroom apartment. I was up at 6:30 on that Saturday morning and we didn’t finish up until 12:30 am. I obviously didn’t do any heavy lifting, but I did help as much as I could despite getting light-headed frequently and needing breaks constantly. I started to panic on Sunday when I hadn’t felt him move and I thought maybe I over did it. Maybe I put too much strain on my body and now I was going to experience the ultimate punishment. I felt horrible.

The next day I went in to my doctor’s appointment extremely nervous and prepared for the worst. We had an ultrasound done and although we could hear his heartbeat, he wasn’t moving. It was only for a few seconds, but those seconds felt like hours and it was hard to breathe. Finally, he started moving and playing with his feet, he looked like he was having the time of his life in there! When we met with the doctor shortly afterwards she assured us that everything looked great. She told me he was healthy, the right size and that I had nothing to worry about. Relief doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling I felt that day.

Today, it’s been just over two weeks since that appointment. I have been able to feel him every day since, but something is different. His movements are not as strong, there is no pattern as to when I’m going to feel him move, and the movements are happening much less often throughout the day. I’m trying to stay as sane as possible but at any given moment I’m ready to march right back into the doctor’s office and get another ultrasound, just so that I can see for myself that he’s okay. If only there was a secret window of some sort that I could look through and monitor him whenever I please. There is no such thing and being 100% sure about anything.

My next appointment is in two weeks, I will not get an ultrasound but hopefully I will get some peace of mind. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it’s so fragile it can make you neurotic. Especially if you’re a first time mom, like myself, and have nothing to compare it to. Everything is new and scary, yet exciting and magical all at the same time. There are certain feelings, emotional and physical, that are difficult to describe and impossible to share. My due date is July 1st, 2017. I can not wait to bring my son home and give him all of the love and affection I can possibly give!